Director: William “One Shot” Beaudine
Stars: John Carradine, Chuck Courtney, Melinda Plowman
Snack Report: Taco Doritos
Viewing Companions: The Usual Suspects
After the delicious Gothic gloom of last night’s feature, I considered my options for this evening’s movie screening and decided to go with something lighter… Or perhaps something dreadfully campy and just plain awful!
I don’t know how they came up with the idea for Billy the Kid Vs Dracula. All I know is that it played as part of a double bill with Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter (1966) and that the two movies shared a director and screenwriter. So I’m guessing the same people are responsible for both of them.
John Carradine considered BtKvD the worst movie he had ever appeared in, and I’m willing to go out on a limb and say he was probably dead on with that particular observation. Though to be fair, he did turn in plenty of similarly demented performances in The Astro Zombies (1968), Hillbillys in a Haunted House (1967), and quite a few other assorted cinematic treasures.
Carradine’s hammy, over-the-top acting certainly contributed in a major way to the badness of this movie. But he isn’t entirely to blame.
Director William “One-Shot” Beaudine was an accomplished and respected Hollywood veteran with as many as 500 films and TV programs to his credit dating back to the Silent Era. He earned his nickname from his reputation for never doing retakes and efficiently cranking out Poverty Row movies REALLY FAST and REALLY CHEAPLY. In fact, Billy the Kid Vs Dracula was shot from beginning to end in a single 5-day work week. Appropriately enough, these two “Cowboys versus Monsters” films were Beaudine’s final features.
Our tale begins when Count Dracula first arrives on the scene in the form of a rubber bat, swooping around the set with visible wires. When he comes upon an immigrant family headed westward, the Count drops in for a light snack – i.e., their hot blonde daughter. She narrowly escapes thanks to the cross that her vampire-obsessed Mom thoughtfully provided her before bedtime.
Dracula actually comes off as more of a dirty old man than bloodsucking monster in this movie. He seems less driven by hunger, and more by getting extremely hot and bothered over any pretty girl who comes within leering distance.
Later, as Drac and his traveling companions make stagecoach small-talk, Mrs. Bentley mentions that she and her brother are on their way to visit her ranch-owning niece. Poor Betty is an orphan, all alone in the world, and of course, is also a hot blonde. Care to see a photo?
As he ogles Betty’s very modern-looking photo, the Count nearly blows a gasket. His eyes practically pop out of his head, and a red light shines on his face. It’s kind of like one of those Looney Tunes AWOOOOGAH! bits where a male character reacts to the sight of a good-looking woman…
And he’s even more excited to learn there’s an abandoned silver mine on the premises – the perfect location for a vampire’s lair.
The creepy old bloodsucker immediately crafts a plan. He sets up the murder of his fellow stagecoach passengers by Indians (I guess Dracula was hiding in the bushes at the time?) so that he can impersonate Betty’s dead uncle and infiltrate her household.
But there’s just one problem… Billy the Kid (now William Bonney) has gone straight and is engaged to sweet Betty, the object of Dracula’s moldy lust. He’s just your basic square-jawed cowboy hunk, and no great shakes as an actor either. And until the end, he doesn’t do much besides worry and look pretty.
And Faux Uncle James is definitely not fooling Betty’s immigrant housekeeper (Virginia Christine), who anyone over a certain age will remember as Mrs. Olsen from the Folgers Coffee commercials. In fact, they should rename this movie Mrs. Olsen Vs Dracula.
She knows all about vampires and indeed has been obsessed with them since the opening scene (it was her daughter who was attacked). In my opinion, she’s the Count’s most formidable foe.
In the end, the old creep is in the abandoned mine cave, about to ravage poor Betty on the tacky red velvet coverlet he has carefully laid out for the occasion. Then just in time, Billy shows up to save the day! He peppers the Count with multiple bullets… with no effect! Somehow, though he’s impervious to bullets, Billy is able to take him out by throwing the prop gun right in his undead face. And that’s when he nails him with the railroad spike.
As much fun as it was to watch it again, I had to ask myself (as I so often do), “How the hell did this movie ever see the light of day?” How could someone have read the pitch and said, “Yeah, I love this idea. Here’s some money! How soon can you get started?”
You could say it’s because (to paraphrase HL Mencken) “No one ever went broke by underestimating the taste of the American public.” But I think there’s something really engaging about the pairing of humor and horror – and all the more so when that humor is unintentional. That’s why I think cheesy horror films that make us laugh will always command a cult following.